I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
