Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
