This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You're my little dorito
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
