Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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