Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
