So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
