Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
