Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
