A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
