she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
