I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm both gender and math confused
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
