if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize