i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
