She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
