Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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