She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
