I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have already put on my inside pants.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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