her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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