i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
