I think I won the penis lottery.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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