You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
