Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
