i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
