oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
