so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Congratulations! We have a period
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