I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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