hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
