so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
