I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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