if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
