We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
