I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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