hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
