Your tits are I can't wait for
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
