Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's great music for shaving your balls
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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