even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
