Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
