I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
