I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
