i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
