that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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