she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
