Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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