Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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