I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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