Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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