He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
