I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
