I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
