Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize