gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
