You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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