apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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