Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
