need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
