You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
FUCK WHALES
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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