Porn is love you can see.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
