Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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