either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
