My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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