I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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