Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
