Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
