I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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