i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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