Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
