I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
