You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
