Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
