Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
