Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
