I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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