what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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