FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
