remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
