yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can I color on your dick again?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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