Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
