I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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