If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
