Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
